I joined this community a while back, and haven't really written anything. I think I was apprehensive about delving into the complication that is my life. After reading the supportive comments made by everyone, I think I finally have the courage.
When I was 18 I got really rebellious, and decided that I didn't need my parents anymore, and in a way, ran away from home. It was kind of a complicated situation. My parents told me that the next time I stayed out all night without calling, I was going to have to leave. So, I stayed out all night, and then the next morning when I went home, my dad handed me a suitcase and told me I had to move out. Of course all of this was for some guy. Typical. That was a Sunday. That night I got pregnant. Go figure. I know that was when I got pregnant because that was the only time I had sex during that time frame. Two weeks after that I find out that this guy, Alan, was just using me for the little money I had, and my car. I moved in with my cousin, but that wasn't going to last, because she lived with her two kids, and her boyfriend, and he was abusive. I finally started dating this guy,Tom, and he let me stay with him, which was fine for awhile. He knew I was pregnant and was okay with it. Of course he was on house arrest, so I was kind of an only option. Wow, I sure can pick winners. One night his best friend pulled a knife on me, mostly because he was drunk. The situation soon got underhand, but it was very scary. I decided then and there, that this was not the life I wanted for myself, and my unborn child. The next day I called my mom, and asked her if I could come see them. I hadn't talked to them for two months. She said I could. I called my sister after that and asked her to meet me there. So, I went home to see my parents. The visit went really well, but I didn't tell them I was pregnant yet. I went back to see them everyday, and then a week later they helped me move into an apartment with another one of my cousins, and helped me get a new car. I couldn't believe they were helping me like this. I went back to Tom's house, and told him I was leaving, and never went back. About a month after that I told my parents that I was pregnant. My dad cried, but my mom just sort of seemed stunned. The next day she bought some booties. During those seven months I got really close to my mom. She came with me to all my ob-gyn appointments, and took me shopping all the time. I finally got to know my mom. In March of '01, my parents asked me to move back in with them. I was by myself, and didn't know how to take care of a baby. I said yes, and moved in in two days. My parents finished the basement, and that's where I moved into. I was finished moving the day before I went into labor.
On April 1st, 2001 I started to feel contractions, so we called my doctor, and she said to go to the hospital just to be sure. So I went to the hospital, and they were indeed real contractions. So I started drinking water, and walking a lot to help the labor along. My mom, and my sister were with me. They were getting hungry, and wanted to go get something to eat, but didn't want to leave me alone, so they were going to go in shifts, but the nurse, Anne, said I was fine, and that they could just go. It was no big deal. So, I was reading my book, and just relaxing, thinking I was going home soon, because it was really the very beginning stages of labor, and I didn't really need to be there. Anne came in to check on me, and started fiddling with the baby heart monitor, looking for the baby's heart beat. When she couldn't find it with the monitor she tried to physically move the baby, both outside and inside. That was fun. *Sarcastic* Then she leaves the room, only to come back with six other nurses. This whole time they won't tell me what's going on. They had me sign some papers, that to this day I still don't remember what they were. Hooked me up to an iv, and had me go on my hands and knees on the bed. Then the doctor got there. He wasn't the one that I thought was going to deliver my baby, and I actually hadn't seen him in the office. But that was okay, because I didn't know what was going on. Then, with me still on my hands and knees, they wheeled me into the OR. They told me that they were going to put me to sleep. The anesthesiologist got there, gave me a shot, and told me I was going to go to sleep now. I remember thinking that I was going to be awake for the whole thing, and feel it all. The next thing I know I woke up looking at a curtain. I actually laughed at the curtain, cause it was kind of funny. But I was drugged, so that could be to blame. Then I was wheeled to my room, and all I could see was faces above me. I was glad to see it was my family. I didn't get to see my baby yet, but they told me I had a beautiful baby boy. The next day, when I was a little less drugged, my sister told me that they had to resuscitate the baby, invitro. The cord had been wrapped around his neck twice, and he couldn't breath. I had an emergency C-section, and luckily everything turned out okay. I named him Justin Tyler, and he was my April Fools baby. My family told me a month later that I had actually flatlined on the table, and the doctor had to resuscitate me too. That Dr. was my guardian angel that day, and I told him so. So Justin is three years old now, and has no ill affects from his death experience. He is one of the smartest kids I know, and I'm not just biased. But, that's not where my baby story ends.
When Justin was two I met Dan. He was a great guy, or so I thought, and he fed all the right lines. He even went so far as to show me a house he wanted to buy, and talked about the kids he wanted to have with me. Ironic? yes. Cause he got me pregnant. Of course I didn't find out I was pregnant until after he told me he cheated on me. Once again, another winner. I was afraid to tell my parents, so I didn't. I went on with daily life, as if there was nothing wrong. And yes, I started to get a little bigger around the middle, but nobody noticed, except complete strangers. You need to know that around this time there was a lot of stress in our lives. I got suspended from work because a false allegation, and my neice, who lived with my parents, was becoming a criminal. So nobody had time to notice my increasingly growing belly. And I wasn't giving any hints. I fleetingly thought of abortion, but I could never do that to a living thing. So, as quickly as the thought came in it went right back out. I had moved out of my parents house again, and was renting this little cottage. It was ideal for just Justin and me, but not for another baby. I wasn't sure what to do yet. Finally when I was about ready to pop, I had to do something. And people were starting to suspect. Every male in my family, except my father told their wives they thought I was pregnant. But the wives said no, I would have told them. My sister actually got into a fight with her husband the night before I told her because he said it. So, I told my sister, and she helped me tell my parents. They kind of took it in stride. My mom gave me a hug, and told me she loved me. My dad said, "well, okay." And that was it. A week later I went into labor. That whole time I hadn't had any doctor care, which can be very dangerous I know, but it was almost as if if I went to the doctor I was admitting I was pregnant, and I wasn't ready to do that. But I did have some doctor care. That week after I told my parents I went to the doctor, had an ultrasound, and found out I was having a girl. I kept in touch with Dan through the whole thing, even though I didn't really want to. I had another c-section Friday February 13th. This one I stayed awake for, and even got to see her right after she was born. I didn't have any names picked out, but the second time I saw her, I knew her name was Hope. So, I named her Hope Marie, and she is my Friday the 13th baby. I have really weird birthing dates. Someone said to me that I was probably going to have my next baby on Halloween or something like that, but I got my tubes tied, so no more babies for me. I have my family, and any guy that comes into it will just have to be content with what we've got.
So, that brings me to the prespective fathers. Alan isn't in Justin's life, but I don't think he deserves to be. He moved to another state when he found out I was pregnant. His loss, not ours. Dan is in and out of Hope's life, but at this point I kind of want him out. He's fought me every step of the way. Doesn't want to give me child support until after the paternity test, but he kept putting it off, all the while claiming she was in fact his. We finally got the paternity test done last weekend, but he has to pay the other half of the balance before they will give us the results, so we're still waiting for that. I thought this was really funny though. On the way out of the hospital where we got the test done, Dan runs into a friend of his, and they start talking about her kids. He was walking ahead of us. As we walked up, he pointed to Hope, and said, "This is my little girl." I thought that was really weird seeing as how he was contesting paternity. I'm very tempted to tell him to f off, I don't want his money. I still don't know what I'm going to do. I really don't like him, but his mother is in love with Hope. I guess we'll see what happens.
I know I wrote a book, so if you read it, thanks.